When we lie down our sorrows and pick up the cross, for most of us the outward transformation is anything but immediate. It usually occurs over time and as we grow in Christ, our thoughts and behaviors begin to take shape. We are made new and with our new habits, priorities and attitudes, we may discover our relationships change as well. If you are like me, you may have found yourself in a marriage that was initially built on shared interests and mutual attraction. A worldly foundation. And as my faith in Christ grew Continue reading
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)
For many weeks I have endured a constant barrage of attacks and have been devout in my commitment to remain IN the Holy Spirit and use these situations and circumstances to bring honor and glory to God by manifesting his grace through my actions and my attitudes. I haven’t always found the words to articulate my yearnings to God, but Romans 8:26 says that in my times of grief and sorrow, my “wordless groans” are interpreted by the Holy Spirit and conveyed to God on my behalf.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” Romans 8:26 (NIV)
Throughout this ordeal I have been overcome with a sense of peace that has cushioned my pain and lessened it’s powerful blow. But last night it was there. In the dark, alone with me. It banged on my heart like a strongman with a jackhammer. It was surreal, I could feel every hit and it sent tremors through my body and triggered thoughts of “what if”, “why” and “how”.
In those moments I wasn’t able, or maybe on some level, willing to release the pain and submit to Gods promise of peace. I suffered all the night long with tormenting thoughts about how I am not “enough” and I will never make it out in the world without my husband. I replayed over and over again his harsh words and relived again and again the awestruck moment I realized he wanted out. The suffering was relentless and Continue reading
“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV)
You have been more loyal to me than my husband ever was. You’re never too far from sight and you always seem to appear when I am going through the most trying times. Anxiety and Depression, you have stuck with me no matter how hard I have tried to make you leave and you know all the right things to do and say to influence my decisions. You two drop in unannounced and even when I am unable to count on anyone in my life, I know you’ll be there. You’ve never called or text to say you’re are on the way, and in some of the best times of my life, you just showed up. Our relationship hasn’t always been one-sided though. Continue reading