“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)
As I reflect on the past year and look back over my life I am able to see periods that were albeit traumatic and difficult to endure, they all worked for my good. I can now see what was right in front of me the entire time. That God blessed the broken road that led me to right where I am today. There are still some parts that make no sense to me and my understanding may never come, but I trust my Father and believe that while I am ignorant to the purposes behind certain events, it is and was all part of his grand old plan.
So much am I thankful for on this frigid Thanksgiving 2015. New beginnings, the washing away of old hurts and enemies. The home we now have that we prayed for and yearned for. The warmth that’s found inside. The cup of dark roast coffee that signifies the start of my day, the pots and pans that help to create family meals which allow us to share and enjoy one another creating a stronger bond and reinforcing our family unit. The fluffy cotton bathrobe that holds the power to comfort me and catch all my tears when my heart erupts with sadness over the loved ones not at our table today. Continue reading
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)
For many weeks I have endured a constant barrage of attacks and have been devout in my commitment to remain IN the Holy Spirit and use these situations and circumstances to bring honor and glory to God by manifesting his grace through my actions and my attitudes. I haven’t always found the words to articulate my yearnings to God, but Romans 8:26 says that in my times of grief and sorrow, my “wordless groans” are interpreted by the Holy Spirit and conveyed to God on my behalf.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” Romans 8:26 (NIV)
Throughout this ordeal I have been overcome with a sense of peace that has cushioned my pain and lessened it’s powerful blow. But last night it was there. In the dark, alone with me. It banged on my heart like a strongman with a jackhammer. It was surreal, I could feel every hit and it sent tremors through my body and triggered thoughts of “what if”, “why” and “how”.
In those moments I wasn’t able, or maybe on some level, willing to release the pain and submit to Gods promise of peace. I suffered all the night long with tormenting thoughts about how I am not “enough” and I will never make it out in the world without my husband. I replayed over and over again his harsh words and relived again and again the awestruck moment I realized he wanted out. The suffering was relentless and Continue reading